It’s been a week since my last post, but that’s down to the fact that nothing much has really happened. Up until a couple days ago, the 2 bits that I needed to tick off pre-chemo were the PET scan and the visit to the fertility clinic. The fact that I was constantly testing positive for covid (most recently last week) however meant that this would be delayed.
A few days ago I rang the nurses as I was concerned with an increase in fevers. The doctor then rang and let me know that, due to the positive covid result, I wouldn’t be having a PET scan. This isn’t an issue however as the original CT scan contained enough detail to start treatment. He then informed me that the fertility clinic would not allow me to visit whilst I was still covid positive.
This last part was news to me. During the call, I didn’t react strongly to this, and neither have I since. I am acutely aware however that this is bothering me deep down, and the reason I haven’t fully reacted is because I have a knack for placing heavy topics to the back of my mind and under the rug.
I therefore hope that writing this blog post will force me to focus on the issue and properly think on it. The doctor did say that there’s only a small chance that AVD chemotherapy can cause infertility, though he went on to add that the likelihood may increase if further treatment is needed.
Those words sound so final to me as I repeat them in my head, and of course my brain is currently dwelling on the worst case scenario, infertility. Although I don’t see kids in my immediate future, the thought of not being able to have them is weighing really large in my mind. I love kids. I have 2 nieces whom I love to bits and the thought of not being able to have any of my own someday is extremely saddening.
This news almost seems worse than when the doctor first told me about the possible lymphoma in my body.
I went for a PCR test yesterday and am really praying that I finally see a negative result. This would make life so much easier. If I do test positive however, I’ll have to speak to the doctor again and re-discuss.
Future plans would then be to contact the clinic myself, contact other hospital clinics or maybe even look for private options.
Thankfully treatment can safely be delayed by 2-3 weeks, so maybe that means I’ll have a few more chances at doing covid tests, but fingers crossed I won’t need it.
Failing all else, I’ll just have to proceed with the treatment and put my trust in the odds. There’s a Hunger Games line in there somewhere. Stay tuned for updates.
Peace and love,